Name: Andrew “AK Kindseth
Greek letter he most embodies: Alpha
Superpower: Turns invisible if you view him from the side
Times he’s overtly snuggled with a member of Gung-ho at a party: One too many
Andrew Kindseth, affectionately known as AK, is an enigma. On the one hand, there’s the AK that’s a member of the “Northwestern University Mesoscopic Physics Group,” which reconvenes in the evenings at their “Virgins Anonymous” meetings. (Editors note: Kindseth’s attorney would like to add that he is not a virgin and, in fact, has copious amounts of sex.) On the other hand, there’s the AK that leads the D-line fearlessly into battle and screams like a wildebeest after breaks. It’s hard to take either version seriously knowing that the other exists.
Although he isn’t usually lumped in with the tall boys, AK has been known to sky people from time to time. It’s not that he has hops, but his arms are capable of bending in a inhumane fashion that is best compared to a human metamorphosis. One second he’s gliding down the field like a horse (he ranked first in the team horse rankings) and the next he’s contorted like a gibbon with the disc in hand.
As a fellow BOLT alumni of his, I’ll be the first to say that no one deserved to make the leap more than him. When he’s not inventing teleportation, the kid lives and breathes ultimate. Rumor has it AK even showed up to tryouts fully erect to demonstrate his willingness to play “hard D.” Yngve refused to comment on the matter, but I did notice a little twinkle in his eye.
I think this is the point in the bio when I’m supposed to conclude with some sincere comments about how, despite all the aforementioned flaws, we still appreciate AK’s presence and value him as a part of NUT. But then I’d be ruining my reputation as an asshole that I’ve been meticulously cultivating for the past two years. And besides, I’m an honest man.
Written by: Wyatt DeYoung
P.S. Love you AK