(We fade in to a shot of the front of Plex. The sun is shining down, forming an Abrams-esque lens flare and generally inspiring picture. Some birds are chirping in the background; it’s a beautiful time to be alive.)
(We then cut to a shot of the backs of two feet, stationary, clad with a well-used pair of slides. Slowly, the camera pans up, and we see a pink, polyester, athletic shirt tucked around a 5’6” man as he swipes into Plex East. If one didn’t know better, they might mistake the dynamo known as Jevons as a tubby individual, but oh, do we know better.)
(“Thanks for the stir fry, Anthony,” says Jevons, as he dishes out some daps to the beloved dining hall chef. “No problem, Jevons!” responds Anthony. The duo have a special relationship, as the ball of pure energy and resident makes it a point to eat in Plex exactly 9 times a day.)
(We cut to Jevons sitting down at a table, chowing down on his stir fry. He’s not looking at the camera, as he appears to be having a conversation with someone off screen.)
JEVONS LIU: “Why do I love Plex? What kind of question is that? What isn’t there to like about Plex? That’s like asking me why I love Alvin and the Chipmunks. Stupid question”
(We then cut to a string of interviews with members of the 2018 Northwestern Men’s Ultimate Team. Some Chainsmokers song starts fading into the background. This author was too lazy to look up any actual Chainsmokers songs, and he didn’t know any off the top of his head because he’s not a cultured man like Jevons. Therefore, it’s that Chainsmokers song that starts playing.
(All the team members are asked the same question: Describe, to the best of your ability, Jevons Liu.)
JOSH VENEGAS: “Jevons? Oh, uh, I dunno.”
KEVIN YNGVE: “He could stand to wash his mouth out with soap every once in a while.”
MAX MOORE: “Uh, well, let’s just say he really, really likes shopping at Aldi. Yeah, I don’t get it either, yet somehow, I still get roped into driving him at every tournament.”
RAY TANG: “You kidding me? Jevons is my idol! I’m just his humble servant.”
PETER PRIBYL PIERDNOCK (whispering): “Not gonna lie, I’m actually pretty jealous that him and Josh got so close while I was studying abroad. I mean, don’t tell Joshie this, but I secretly have a deep, passionate love for him.
(louder) “Wait, you’re not recording this, are you?”
KEITH BOHRER: “Jevons is, of course, a Pike boy for life. But, in truth, we all know what he really is: he’s the King. The King…of Plex.”
(The music swells as a panning shot of Dowtown Chicago reveals the words KING OF in large, title text. Suddenly, as the music drops, we cut to a birds-eye view of Foster-Walker Complex, and the word PLEX appears.)
(The intro credits then roll as the documentary “King of Plex” starts in full.)
Written by Nathan Graber-Lipperman