Here, it is guys. It is with great pride we introduce our Callahan nominee and All Section, All-Region, All-American, All-SESP representative Alexander “I Need the Disc in your hands—
I remember four years ago when…—My righty flick is betters than yours—I’m from Pennsylvania, but I’m a Boston sports fan for some reason—Only I can run the reset effectively—I’m just going to huck it to Luke, I don’t care—I’m surprised Sahaj didn’t ask me to demo the drill—Can I see your vegetarian option?—Los Angeles bound—El Capitán—Rubinho” Rubin.
0:00-0:10 Rubin skies a 6’ 4’’ Michigan State player for the easy score. “I don’t know what was so shocking. I’m actually very athletic,” Rubin says afterward.
0:11-0:22 Rubin makes a sick low grab, contorting his body to catch a poorly thrown disc from yours truly. Is it better than Paul’s Matrix catch? Debatable.
0:23-0:32 Rubin runs a 4.18 forty-yard dash on his way to an easy break point and a BOLT victory over Indiana. After watching the footage, the national coach agrees it’s time for the Israeli-international to receive his next call-up.
0:33-0:45 Alex explains to a Purdue player the rules of the game, after the Boilermaker mistakenly calls a travel. The Purdue player apologizes for his mistake and promises to never call a foul on Rubin ever again.
0:46-0:54 After a shifty and speedy burst, Rubin scores from an upline against Vanderbilt. After scoring, he spikes the frisbee so hard that it shatters on the ground. That’s why you hit the gym, boys.
0:55-1:07 Rubinho throws a 60 yard huck to Mansour for the score. Rubin is to Mansour as
- Henry is to Pirés
- Ortiz is to Pedroia
- Jordan is to Pippen
- Brady is to Gronkowski
1:08-1:20 Rubin makes a sick upline D against Michigan. For a guy that’s 6’8’’, it’s hard to imagine anyone beating him on defense.
1:21-1:32 Rubin throws a hammer over the top against the Dayton zone, causing it to crumble and leading to an easy score. Coach Mickey Kojo says, “That might be the best throw I’ve ever seen, but I’m still the best player here.”
1:33-1:45 Alex moves the disc seventy yards up field while trying to explain how the Outcasts tribe in Pearl Islands was not an interesting twist. I’m sorry, Rubin. You’re wrong.
1:46-1:58 Alex converts to BRICH, with I/O backhand to the break side, for the score against UChicago. Sahaj exclaims, “That point was like sex!!!!” Hair responds, “It was definitely not. But, still pretty good.”
1:59-2:09 Rubin takes a short nap, waiting for Kenneth to throw a backhand, on the field against Illinois. “I can literally fly to Los Angeles and fly back, and disc will just be leaving his hand,” he says.
2:10-2:20 Rubin guards a Purdue player downfield. They try to huck it to him; Rubin smacks it down. Did someone call in a S.W.A.T team?
2:21-2:31 Alex gets a D at the goal line to stop a Wisconsin score. Then, Rubin throws a flick huck to Mansour for the score in the course of ten whole seconds. That’s bookends, baby.
2:32-2:44 Deep in their end zone, the Michigan handlers attempt to get their offense moving. BOLT’s D is stout though, cutting off any easy throws to downfield cutters. The stall count rises. The guy with the disc looks across at his handler for the dump. The five-yard flick gracefully leaves his hand. Out of thin air, Alexander Rubin launches himself at the disc. The index finger of his left hand makes contact with the frisbee, preventing its further advancement. His middle finger and thumb then secure the disc as he hits the ground. It’s a Callahan. Rubin then punts the frisbee in celebration.
2:45-3:05 It’s the same highlight as above, but just twice as slow and with “Sweet Victory” playing in the background.
3:06-3:25 Rubin leads out the team for a final universe point against Michigan at Sectionals. High in the stall count, he spots a speedy Bharat, just on from the bench, for a force side score. BOLT rushes the field in celebration. The coaches are in tears of the sideline. Harari and Richards lift Rubin onto their shoulders, as he pumps his fist in celebration. Magnum collapses in shock and mourning. HAIL TO BOLT!
3:26-3:36 Rubin lifts the Sectional Trophy aloft, after being named MVP of the tournament.
Martin Tyler, narrating the contest exclaims about Rubin, “Leaving on a high. The curtain comes down, but the trophy goes up. Going out in yet another scene of glory, going out on top, as captain of the Champions!!!”
Written by Thomas Fredericks